Damn you, Andrew Lloyd
Webber! Yes, you’ve enlivened the world
with major stage extravaganzas like Evita and Jesus Christ Superstar.
Your greatest hit, The Phantom of the Opera, may have seemed overwrought
to me, but it had the virtue of introducing thousands of fans to the joys of
musical theatre. For better or for worse, you certainly know how to write a
tune that won’t leave my head.
On a recent plane flight, I
decided it was time to check out the film version of one of your best-known works,
a show about which I’ve had decidedly mixed emotions. I first saw Cats
in 1985, when it touched down in L.A. as part of its first national tour. (So
great was the public enthusiasm for this elaborate show—one emphasizing music,
dance, and over-the-top scenic effects—that it ran for 21 years in London and
18 on Broadway.) In 1985 while writing on theatre for the Los Angeles Times,
I had the fun of taking a backstage look at the show’s elaborate makeup designs.
That’s why I was granted two
house-seats, which allowed me to introduce a very young relative to the
magic of live theatre. Out of this came a passion for the musical stage that
has never left him.
So Cats, the stage
musical, will always have a warm spot in my heart. I’ve never thought of it as a play, exactly.
It’s more like the masques embraced by the royals of Shakespeare’s day: a theatrical
confcction that delights the senses through its appeal to eye and ear. But this
stage adaptation of playful poems by none other than T.S. Eliot is not much on basics
like characterization and plot. Here’s the IMDB summation of the dramatic
throughline: “A tribe of cats called the Jellicles
must decide yearly which one will ascend to the Heaviside Layer and come back
to a new Jellicle life.” Meaningful, no?
I had thought that with its cartoony
characterizations, its plotlessness, and its heavy reliance on whimsy, Cats would
be immune to Hollywood’s meddling. And so it was, until 2019, when Tom Hooper
(known for The King’s Speech and Les Misêrables) got his hands on
it. Hiring a big-name cast, he set about transferring the magic of the stage
experience to the big screen. Critical response was not pretty. Cats racked
up a series of Worst Film of the Year awards, including the infamous Razzie,
and audiences stayed away in droves. No one, it seems, wanted to watch actors
with pointy ears, tails, and garish makeup, cavorting in close-up. It was, in short, a catastrophe.
Still, I persisted in being
curious about this debacle. Some of the actors in the featured comic numbers,
like James Corden as the snooty
Bustopher Jones and Rebel Wilson as domestic queen Jennyanydots, are as
embarrassing as I had heard. Jennifer Hudson warbles “Memory” beautifully, but
her pillowy lips spoil any possible illusion that she’s a cat. Idris Elba’s
evil-minded Macavity makes no more sense that it did on stage. But somehow Judi
Dench retains her dignity as Old Deuteronomy. To me the film’s vocal star was
(surprise!) Taylor Swift, who looks a lot like a slinky feline as she belts out
the jazzy “Macavity” late in the film.
And when things are turned
over to the dancers, in choreography by Andy Blankenbuehler of Hamilton fame,
some glimmers of magic appear. The film’s one innovation is the addition of an adorable
white kitten, Victoria, who listens in wonder to all the goings-on. Ballerina
Francesca Hayward is absolutely purr-fect in the role.